Too Many
by Equoise
Summary: 'I always come to the lake to think. The water carries my burdens, just for a while, until I have to return to reality...' Firestar recalls his lost ones.
1. Bluestar

**A/N: Hey everyone, it's Osprey here! As you can probably tell by my SN, I'm a big fan of Erin Hunter's Warriors series. One of my favourite characters is Firestar (Keep it in haters!), and I just read a series of poems on this site called: 'Too many left behind' by Sunmist. It gave me one of those moments where I get very nostalgic about Warriors, and I thought, seeing as Firestar is the only (living) character to have appeared in every book in the main series so far, I'd write this piece called 'Too Many' about all the cats in his life that he had lost. So Sunmist, thank you for the inspiration, and this is for you…**

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I always come to the lake to think. The water carries my burdens, just for a while, until I have to return to reality. Today I sit watching the sun set over the mountains, turning them a majestic purple. I imagine what my coat looks like in the dying sun. Bluestar's words come back to me, and I can recall every one of them: '_You look like a brand of fire in this sunlight'_. The words had more meaning to her than they did to me at the time, but I soon found their deeper content.

We shared so much, Bluestar and I. In the end, we had no secrets. We shared the weight of the untold between us. We both agreed that it was better that way. Two have a lighter load than one, as they say. And I wouldn't have asked for it any other way. We trusted each other. We both knew that we would die for one another, even if it were for different reasons (I, in eternal debt to Bluetstar, she because of the prophecy).

It is common that one cat would die for another, but (even though they may not admit it, clan loyalty and all) it is rare for two cats to both die for each other, outside a romantic relationship. But it happened with Bluestar and I. We both knew it, even without ever saying it. And in truth, it didn't need to be said. In the end, we could look into each other's eyes and tell exactly what the other was thinking. It was that stronger bond.

And sometimes I wonder: 'what would it have been like if it hadn't been like that? Would I have still become leader? Or would I have left?' I remember the time that I had almost given up, almost returned to my old life. But Bluestar gave me hope. She reminded me of what I had here in ThunderClan, what I should be grateful for. And I owe her my life for that. No, I owe her so much more than that. Too much. I wish I could have done more for her. No one else will ever truly understand how I felt about her.

Loyal, wise Bluestar. I could say so much more about her, but I don't think it needs to be said.

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**A/N: So there's the first chapter! Personally, I thought that's quite thought provoking. And before anyone asks, the sentence: 'No one else will ever truly understand how I felt about her.' Is NOT me suggesting that he loved her, because I don't believe that he did. Anyway, please review, as I would like to hear what some of you think about this story so far. Please recommend this to any Warriors fans you know!**


	2. Spottedleaf

**A/N: Hello again! I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter, so here's the next. It's focused on Spottedleaf. Enjoy!**

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There's a mild breeze today, common for early Leaf-Fall. The wind makes waves on the glistening lake surface. Fallen leaves dance on the air, brown, gold, red. I feel something beneath my paw. Looking down, I see a different coloured leaf. Its surface is waxy, mottled with a hundred different shades of brown. Small black dots stand out against its lighter surface. _A spotted leaf… _It tugs at my paw, willing to be free. With a smile, I lift my paw and let it go. It swirls up into the air to join the other leaves, blending in. And I can only think one thought.

Spottedleaf. The question echoes around my head. Why did she have to go? I can't help but feel responsible. I can't help thinking that if I hadn't met her, she would still be alive today. Did StarClan kill her so that I could fulfil my destiny? StarClan is harsh, but would they really stoop that low? _What happened, happened for a reason… _Spottedleaf's voice. It glides into my head like blossom on a New-Leaf breeze. Her scent enfolds me, just for a second. And just for a second, I can feel her presence. "Spottedleaf?" The whisper is barely audible, yet full of pain.

Sometimes I see flashes of what it could have been like, if she had lived. Tiny kits, their scent just as sweet as their mother's. Happiness, love. Betrayal. Anguish. Loss. _It was for the best… _"But was it?" _Yes, it was. I will always be with you, Firestar, even if you don't know it. Even death cannot take that away. _"But I miss you so much. It's not the same, Spottedleaf." Spottedleaf does not reply, but images flash in my mind. Sandstorm. She is hunting, now she is running; now we are sitting together in the moonlight atop of High ledge. "I don't need reminding, Spottedleaf. I love Sandstorm more than anything."

I sigh once more. Spottedleaf and I, we had the simplest yet strongest of bonds. But that was all taken away with one swipe of a claw…

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**A/N: And there you have it! Spottedleaf always meant a lot to Firestar, and it was so sad that she was taken away from him so soon. Please read and review!**


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